Three things that can change your relationship

The relationship you are in really can make or break how you feel day to day. It can be the difference between a great day or feeling down, anxious and emotionally overwhelmed.

When 2 people enter into a relationship it can feel like things are easy. As time progresses, we bring our past experiences and opinions in but we also forget that our partner is also doing the same thing. We set expectations based on how things have been in the past or how we wish things to be in the future and this can lead to frustration and resentment. By recognising the comparisons and expectations you are setting, you are able to bring it back to you! And at the end of the day, you are the only person that you have control over – you can control your actions and behaviours, no one else’s. When you are leaving the way that you feel up to someone else in your life, you are setting yourself up for frustration.

Once you start to become aware of these expectations that are being set, on yourself or on your partner, you will be able to catch yourself out and begin to work through these things.

But how you ask?

Studies show that one of the biggest factors in the breakdown of a relationship is lack of communication.

A lot of people say they have tried to talk to their partner about issues within their relationship and it hasn’t helped, so what’s the use. Anywhere from the small things that add up to big frustrations like their lack of help with housework or bigger topics like differing parenting styles or behaviours they would like to change such as excessive drinking. Rather than focusing on the actual topic that you would like to work on with your partner – consider how you last tried to communicate it with them. Many of these conversations happen in the heat of the moment and there can be some hurtful words thrown in the mix.

Take a moment to think about something you would like to improve on within your relationship.

Now think about the last conversation you had about that topic. What were your behaviours or reactions like?

By being able to bring the focus back to you, you can start to hone in on the things you actually can control. Your actions, behaviours and the way you used (or didn’t use) your words.

A great way to improve communication is to be able to think clearly and rationally. Not in the heat of the moment. Take some time to really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Bring the focus back to you and how your partners actions make you feel and the impact that has on your life.

One of the most important things to remember is that you can’t control anyone else. So after you have put some thought into what is is that you want to communicate and how you want to do it, ask yourself ‘what do I want to do about this topic?’ By bringing the control back to you, you feel more empowered because it’s about you and your actions, not some one else’s.

It also allows you to have a more rational conversation because you aren’t getting so caught up in what someone else is doing and how that affects how you feel. It brings it back to you.

By being able to catch yourself out on expectations, asking yourself what you want to do when you notice something frustrating you and also communicating calmly and outside of the heat of the moment you are more likely to feel more heard and seen, and to create a feeling of safety and trust within your relationship.