Pregnancy. I guess we all have an idea created in our minds of what it’s going to be like, but this first trimester has forced me to acknowledge and learn things I was never expecting.

I remember a few weeks ago, 2 nights before our 12 week scan, taking myself to bed early because I felt anxious, I had a lump in my throat and I just wanted to go to sleep because I knew the smallest thing was going to set me off and Aaron didn’t deserve that.
I thought to myself ‘I’ll just have an early night, read my book and wake up feeling better in the morning.’

I woke up the next morning at 5am. The lump in my throat still there. The weight on my chest and shoulders heavy. The sick feeling in my stomach (and no, not from the morning sickness) was still there and I just cried. I didn’t know what else to do. I got up at 6am and had a shower, by this time sobbing. ‘Why can’t this feeling just go away?’

As a Coach, I felt even more frustrated because I know all of the advice I would give my clients if they were feeling anxious. It just wasn’t working for me. There were so many thoughts going through my head and I needed to get them out - but felt too ashamed to speak them out loud. I was still crying by 7am so I took my journal and sat to write out everything I was thinking and feeling. Half an hour later, the pages stained with running ink from the tears, I cried to Aaron and told him I didn’t think I was cut out for this. For Motherhood, for pregnancy. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
By 10am I was still crying. Aaron took me into bed, put Trolls on for me (give it a go next time you’re feeling upset, I promise Poppy will make you feel better) and I fell asleep, exhausted from the emotion and overwhelm.

Little did I know prenatal anxiety or depression during pregnancy can be just as common as post natal depression, just not as widely spoken about.

I remembered a post I had seen by Brittany Noonan and went to her website to read some of her posts. I started to feel somewhat ‘normal’. I had spoken to some of my best friends about how overwhelmed I was feeling and they assured me that they too had struggled with what the first few months of pregnancy can bring.

So this, Mamma, is a post for you.

To let you know that you can do this. Even on the hard days. Even when the morning sickness - or all day sickness - is overwhelming, the hormones are making you feel like an actual crazy person and when you’re so exhausted all you can do is fall asleep on the lounge at 2pm.

This is going to be the most transformative few months (and years!) ahead of you and it’s ok if it all feels too much sometimes. Because these moments will pass and there will also be amazing moments and memories created.

You are going through so much right now. You are creating and growing a new human life. Cells are dividing, bones and organs are growing - you are creating another human spine and brain.

This is no easy task for your body and it is okay to rest.

This is a time to release your expectations. Let go of your ‘shoulds’. I know you have an idea in your mind of what you ‘should’ be able to achieve for the day and what you ‘should’ feel or experience but by buying into those expectations you are removing yourself from the present moment and creating space for disappointment, anxiety and stress.

Can you instead feel into your intuition? A beautiful gift that you have, an all knowing of what it is that you really need. Get out of your head. Logic isn’t going to help you here, come back to your heart.

What do you need today?

Not what did you need yesterday. Not what normally helps you to feel good. What can you do for you today?

Do you want your sparkle back? If you want to know more about Coaching and how I can help you create the life you want to live? Click below - you can even book in your own complimentary connection call.

I want my sparkle back